“Don’t let that smile fool you. Behind the smile is a broken heart. I hide my pain behind a smile and choke back my tears with a laugh.
Here’s my story:
My eldest daughter died from a car accident after being in a coma for 3 years. I was overwhelmed with grief. Devastated by the loss of our daughter who was in her 4th year pre-med student in the University of Buffalo, I had no idea that grief could cause such a rapid loss in weight. Amongst many things, I was down 110 pounds when she left us. I found myself falling into a depression. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, or exercise (which I had done my whole life). I would just stare at my children and husband, cry and pray that this was all a bad dream. After losing my daughter, I gained 40 pounds. My sister tried to convince me to go back to work immediately. My first love after my children and husband was the love for my career as a nurse and I just couldn’t do it. I decided to go back to work as my sister begged but found myself bouncing around from job to job until I landed my current job 3 years ago to date. 4 months after my daughters passing, not only did I find a job that I love and was happy at, I was blessed to find a friend, “my wod partner, Lidia” who kept my secret and never told a soul. I also found myself working for an amazing person and Doctor, Dr.Ayesha Ahmar and her husband, cardiologist Dr.Wasim Ahmar who a few months ago offered the entire staff a paid one month membership to CFLM at the same CrossFit box they attend. I will honestly say that I was going through the motions and was very skeptical about dedicating some time to working out. After my first class, I found a new energy and desire to reach goals. I have been attending boot camp/CrossFit for 3 months now and have been attending 5 times a week religiously. I look forward to my classes, the friends I’ve made, the incredible trainers but most of all the feeling of accomplishment. I’m sharing my story because I know that many of you will have experienced similarly debilitating grief but I can honestly tell you that although my heart is broken, I finally found something that keeps my mind busy and strong. For me, it’s not all about coming in first or loosing the most weight. For me, it’s about forgetting my troubles and worries for at least 1 hour each day. Thank you to my amazing coaches, Jenn, Greg, Jay, Hayley, Kristie, and Dan. Because of all of you, I have regained a very small portion of my happiness and I know “Loni” is proud of me and cheering me on. So next time you see me in the box, don’t feel sorry for me. Give me a high five and smile back because that’s the only way I know how to honor my daughters memory. Good luck to all my friends and may God bless you all.”